IL D J R Bruckner

IL     D J R Bruckner



I found a folded New York Times today;
I thought I'd see if it were truth or pap.
I flipped it open--what had it to say?
A fish head fell out, "plop," into my lap!

So stained it was with guts and parrot crap;
(They'd used it for the bottom of the cage)
To see Pelosi's picture used like that,
The editors would fly into a rage.

Oh!  There was poop and blood on every page;
So intermixed with all the liberal views.
This mess did simply not my mind engage!
I washed my hands and bought a Daily News.

To see a sacred forum used this way,
Reminds me of the Times in Bruckner's day.

XLIV Saul Landau

SLIV    Saul Landau



I had a Matthews-moment with Fidel;
A thrill went up my leg when he touched me;
And now I'm started on my way to Hell;
With all the other sychophants you see;

When you watch CBS or NBC;
Or read the Post or tune in PBS;
The editors are laughing in their brie;
Who gets their kudos, you can surely guess.

'Een though our dear old country's in a mess,
We ought to follow Castro's proven route.
So put a biased muzzle on the press,
For that's what communism's all about!

If Cuba's so advanced as Landau says,
How come they couldn't save poor old Chavez?

XLII Bruce Dunning

XLII    Bruce Dunning



Oh! What a crock, the views of CBS!
And what a lot of bunk they try to push.
The world according to old Hermann Hesse;
And manufactured dirt about George Bush.

About Obama's failure?  "Hush, man!  Hush!"
His choreographed assault upon the truth.
The Tea Party is who we have to crush;
So bring the 'tards to the election booth.

Our re-election strategy's uncouth;
The bullying and lying every day;
All the joy of an impacted tooth
For four more years is heading right your way.

Ask Brian Terry's parents of their son.
They'll tell you, "Eric Holder!  He's the one!"

XL Dick Thien

XL    Dick Thien



Roberto Unger said it best, I think;
Obama's law professor, that was he.
"Defeat him!"  Unger said, "His efforts stink!"
"He's a filthy commie!"  (That was me).

The bad job numbers were his fault, you see;
I din't read that in USA Today;
He gives the lowlifes cash and drugs for free;
And gives the working stiffs the bills to pay.

I founded that newspaper, by the way;
But by and large I guess it's full of crap.
I didn't think the right should have their say;
And now I'm down for my perpetual nap.

Although I helped them pass their health care laws,
I died at 73 from "natural cause".

XXXIX Lew Wood

XXXIX    Lew Wood



CBS and NBC--what rot!
Don't turn to us expecting to get news;
We puff the libs--we give it all we've got;
And spike the stuff promoting other views.

Forget Obama's billion dollar cruise;
You didn't hear it here on NBC.
The DNC give us our "don'ts" and "do's";
So blame the leaks on Fox but not on me.

We're going to have a nanny state. You'll see.
If liberty went rampant, who could guess?
There might be someone out there rich as me;
Who didn't get his facts from CBS.

So as us demogogues do slowly die;
A newbie takes our places by-and-by.

XXXVIII Jack Germond

XXXVIII    Jack Germond



"We've got to help the masses see the light!"
That's what we tell each other over drinks.
We pound the propaganda day and night
To make them think the way Obama thinks.

The job prognostication simply stinks;
And everybody's life is on the line;
The White House press corps--full of rotten finks!
I want that corner office to be mine.

So have another glass of summer wine;
And drink the Kool-Aide like the others did;
On Uncle Sam's cadaver we will dine;
Ah!  Quid pro quo becomes our pro quo quid!

Yes, Stalin tried, but simply lost his way.
Perhaps Karl Marx's day will be today.

XXXVI John Palmer

XXXVI    John Palmer



I didn't bother telling you some stuff;
You didn't hear a thing on NBC;
Obama's making finding jobs real tough;
Outspent the last five presidents, I see.

I've got my liberal journalist degree;
I hang with Bryant Gumbel and the bunch;
And when I'm finished smiling on TV,
I try to take Jane Pauley out to lunch.

I liked my biased editors a bunch;
They had such nuanced socialistic views;
They really helped when I was in a crunch;
To read my talking points and spin the news.

We blamed a lot on W!  Too much!
Cause he's the reason that I smoked too much!

XXXV Herb Kaplow

XXXV    Herb Kaplow



Oh my!  A vision just crept through my mind;
The stories that we spiked, the lies we told;
The spin; our propaganda so unkind;
The commie manifesto must be sold!

Just blame the socialistic views we hold;
We dast not e'er elect a patriot.
The new Amerika will be so bold!
We don't care what a cur or pimp we've got.

Don't tell the Clintons their curse you've forgot;
For they've not gone away, nor ever will.
Now they're on easy street, just doing pot;
And everybody's paying for it still.

A creepy job I had.  It's over now.
But Hillary is still a sacred cow.

XXXIV Vince Casanova

XXXIV    Vince Casanova



Your biased papers spread the commie word;
Poor judgment rivaling the movie stars;
Neglecting all the horrid things you heard;
And catering to the lowlifes in the bars.

Our Lady Liberty still bears your scars;
From all the crappy leftist things you wrote;
Promoting failure; undermining wars;
And making our true statesmen look like goats.

On mediocrity there is no ship that floats,
We won't be missing all your bankrupt rags;
Your stomach reels from lies and now it bloats!
The doctors cannot help--go pack your bags!

Oh!  Did we tell you that you were a loon?
And your "new house" is simply a commune.

XXXIII Helen Thomas

XXXIII    Helen Thomas



Yes, I was THE most biased in the news!
A true distinction!  I was number one.
And always slanting toward my liberal views;
And skewering good statesmen, just for fun.

I never got Obama on the run,
Although I recognized his statist ways.
Sev'n weeks without a question from this Hun.
Oh heck!  Why not just go with what he says?

Now I have ne'er been one of those who prays,
Though death has made me contemplate the term;
I didn't really care about the gays;
I liked to watch the Jesus freakers squirm.

The White House press corps misses me, it's true.
I helped them make a mockery of you!

XXVII Michael Hastings

XXVII    Michael Hastings



Your drivel in the Rolling Stone sure sucks.
A bunch of biased crap at any rate.
Just twaddle for the Holleywood dumbclucks.
You didn't get your mind, or driving, straight!

A freedom-loving general you berate
Because he had the courage not to pass
Confiding that Obama's not so great
As he would have us think: The useless ass.

We've never had a president so crass,
Yet fools like you did trumpet his success
In burying our freedoms 'neath the grass,
And leaving our great country in a mess.

Obama stripped him of his high command:
He must have been a patriot quite grand!

XXIII Haynes Johnson

XXIII    Haynes Johnson



You wrote "Sleepwalking" through the Reagan years.
I have to say, your logic's pretty bad!
He mitigated all our cold war fears.
He was the best prez that we've ever had!

Our situation now is very sad.
If Axelrod likes you, then you must suck!
The re-election likely made you glad.
Now you and we are running out of luck.

Your heroes have us flailing in the muck;
We wish that we had Reagan back on top.
With all the trraitors, liberty is stuck.
We want this hopey-changey thing to stop!

For all your stupid "I love Clinton" talk--
You sleep the long sleep.  We'll go for a walk.

XXI Mary Thom

XXI    Mary Thom



I read your liberal rag today, my dear.
It seems Rush Limbaugh called a whore a whore.
This war on women thing, to me, seems queer;
Ergo, I just don't buy it anymore!

In fact, I think that there's another war;
Divisive hate-speech coming from the left:
Obama and both Clintons and Al Gore
Have left my native homeland quite bereft.

Co-opting feminism was quite deft.
The in-your-face gay movement fanned the flames;
Ensuing was bankrupting moral theft
Ensnaring girls within your sick mind-games.

So don't show me that crappy Sandra Fluke.
Promoting sluthood makes REAL women puke!

XX Al Neuharth

XX    Al Neuharth



For twenty years the USA Today
Has low'red the bar and published tritely trash,
An echo-chamber for the commie way.
Another outlet for the biased hash.

We know you only did it for the cash,
But now you're dead, so was it worth the time?
With no more patriots for you to slash,
A mere accomplice to the commie crime.

It hurts us that you did it on our dime.
You could have chose a much more lofty path
Than 'gurgitating all that socialist chyme
And facing, in the afterlife, God's wrath!

The USA Today is just a rag;
A yellow journal, tossed in plastic bag.

XVII Roger Ebert

XVII    Roger Ebert

Hey Roger!  What implored you 'ere to think
That movie stars could give us good advice?
Their whorish lives are always near the brink.
When faced with choices, they just roll the dice.

Their views and politics are not so nice
When platitudes of hate, they rant and yell;
Promoting failing leaders once--then twice,
Habituated to corruption's smell.

You wanted Michael Moore to "give them hell."
He's at the hors d'ouerves table, don't you see?
Is that his face or rectum?  Who could tell?
He's working on his second pound of brie!

Your annual citations of the best
Did not even include the Cuckoo's Nest!

XVI Dan Turner

XVI     Dan Turner

"There's nothing like a massacre," I wrote,
"To send those Mausers flying from the store."
But now I see that I have been the goat.
Big O's election sold them all, and more!

The '08 guns and ammo buying war
Did follow the election of this fool.
More guns per capita for rich and poor.
Defense against his 2012 renewal.

And if you pack your daughter off to school,
Make sure she has a Taurus in her purse.
The Secret Service won't protect your jewel.
Just like the poor ambassador, or worse!

Just one more seat upon the highest court;
Your wife and daughters' safety he will thwart.

XV Anthony Lewis

XV    Anthony Lewis



He was the second president impeached,
And I defended him with all my might.
We knew that it was B S that he preached.
What did I care that my facts were not right?

She was a master thief and somewhat bright,
But she got sloppy or just didn't care.
I lied for her in that Whitewater fight,
And then she stole Air Force One's silverware!

Although deathbed conversions are quite rare,
I understand I threw away my prize.
So my hypocrisy, God has laid bare.
Protecting those two scumbags with my lies.

Said Henry Kissinger, "He's always wrong!"
Ken Starr was right!  That's how I'll end my song.

XIII Mary J Corey

XIII     Mary J Corey



The politicians hack so furious!
Not likely that the facts will soon emerge.
I never took it all that serious.
I should have fought against that tribal urge.

One side's faux pauxs, endeavoring to purge,
We railed about the forty-some percent,
Instead of making "open mike" the scourge.
To smoke and mirrors, our attentions went.

I quite regret now,all the time we spent
To play class warfare on that poor old goat.
Obama turned out not quite heaven-sent.
Could I go back?  I'd like to change my vote!

Alive again, my heart would surely break,
As you sleep in the bed I helped to make.

XII Mark Saylor

XII     Mark Saylor



Behold us, comrades!  We're the L. A. Times.
To spike a story is not such a sin.
We lose our voices.  Just a bunch of mimes.
We'll write of Lindsay Lohan drinking gin.

There has to be some kind of left hand spin.
Let's find out what Madonna has to say.
Now, only commie candidates must win,
So we'll report and we'll decide today.

Just think about which nasty card to play.
Ignore the right unless they're behind bars.
If it's not true just write it anyway!
And give ourselves awards.  Just like the stars!

A tumor grows in our collective brain.
So grab your pen and board the gravy train.

XI Lou Parajos

XI     Lou Parajos




The highest rate of crime in fifty states;
The highest rate of AIDS in all the land;
Blood draining down the city's gutter grates.
Is that a large size cola in your hand?

You can't go on a walk as you had planned,
But you can get a cab for sixty bucks.
Is not the culture of our city grand?
Let's do some PCP and hijack trucks.

Let's face it!  Our idyllic set-up sucks.
We thought you only needed Schumer's views.
You don't deserve this media of clucks.
Oh, what a hopeless rag, the Daily News.

All that our fathers built, of great renown,
Our papers and their lackeys have brought down.